Resolutions…

I am a little behind in the game with getting my New Years post written, but honestly I was finding it a little hard to find words for what I wanted to say. I figured that if I just sat down to write this evening that what I wanted to say would simply come to me and as usual I am right… it seems that writer’s block can affect even what would seem like the simplest forms of verbal expression. 

So, it’s 2019. Not yet three days into the new year (as I currently write, anyhow) but the one thing I knew I could count on upon entering the new year was reading everyone’s proclamation of their New Year’s Resolutions. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a hate post. It really makes me happy to see so many people who have things in their lives that they truly want to spend some time working on as they move forward in life. Time is constantly moving so sometimes we all need an event like the start of another year to remind us to take the time to take care of ourselves.

The problem for me with this system is that any time I ever really try to make a resolution, even with the best intentions, I fail. I don’t just fail. I fail HARD. I sit here and reflect on some of the crap that has been handed to me over the past year (and further back) and I am seriously surprised I have even made it this far. Every single task I have ever tried to undertake has almost ALWAYS ended in failure. I have stumbled over most road blocks and I have not ever managed to land on my own two feet (without assistance). So…instead of trying to reflect on my past year and make some unattainable resolution…I want to focus on a lesson I have learned instead.

Change is not an option.

No matter what chapter of life we are in…something is going to change…whether we want it to or not. Change can happen in many different forms. Residences change. Jobs change. The faces you see on a daily basis change. Appearances change. Health changes. This is something that, especially to creatures of habit, can seem like the absolute end of the world. Unfortunately, the fact is that 90% of the time there is nothing that we can do to alter what does and does not change for us in our daily lives. Outside forces we almost never see coming impact these changes. We can’t stop it. We can only CHANGE how we react. That brings me to my REALISTIC resolution for this year.

RESOLUTION: Breathe.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

This is the only word I can allow myself to cling to. If I don’t, I will spend the next year of my life doing exactly what I have done over the course of the past five and that’s worrying and stressing over things that I cannot CHANGE. I have to stop and breathe before I react. Yes, the changes might be hard. Yes, the changes might break my heart. Yes, the changes could drain my bank account in a matter of minutes. The problem with worrying about those things… is what they do to your soul. Worrying sucks all of the happiness and wonder out of a life that is supposed to be as beautiful as it is amazing.

It is because of this… rather than making some crap resolution that I know I will ultimately fail at because, let’s face it, many resolutions fail… I want to make the promise to myself that I will try. All I want to do is try. I want to try to live my best life. I want to try to find a reason to smile everyday. I want to try to make each day count for something. And most importantly… I want to TRY to remember to not be so damn hard on myself. The rest will follow…right?

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